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Um.... should we address you as Pig, Boar, Hog, Swine, Piglet, Piggy, Porker, Shoat, Sow, Cob Roller, or how 'bout just Porky?

Quark - Deep South

Hey Reyna La Braina - 'oinkment' has already been used - plz try to create your own and not to copy others

The Watcher - Here

You're a politician, you should be slinging mud not rolling around in it.

CWS

You should stay healthy through Thanksgiving, but I'd decline any invitations to Christmas dinner.

CWS

Of course your wife is complaining. You're a pig - your sausage should be much more pronounced.

CWS

You'll need to save a lot more money for your next procedure. I suggest you cough up that change in your gut and put it into mutual funds.

CWS

You need to stay warm this winter - getting into a blanket with a few friends ought to do the trick.

CWS

"I understand you were injured mud wrestling again."

Brooklyn Guy - The Peach State

"Sorry for the delay. I ran late treating a centaur."

Brooklyn Guy - The Peach State

"Hello, I'm Dr. Wolf."

Brooklyn Guy - The Peach State

Forget aerobics, you'll get enough exercise as a greased pig.

Zenji

Your health, like your place, is a mess.

Zenji

"The skin conditions still exists, you'll need to apply more oinkment."

Reyna La Braina - L. A.

Looks like you haven't been following your diet.

linda - ca

You've probably figured out that you weren't in the control group.

oakmoss

"So? I snort when I laugh, too."

Michael Kuypers - Washington Twp., MI

"Cut down on the pigging out, quit hogging the trough and you'll be fine."

larry g. - los angeles, calif.

Your hairy legs sure look familiar, wait a minute, you shaved off all your head hair, you ARE MY Wife!

Mr X - Whereabouts Unknown

"Would you tell my nurse about your teleportation mishap and how the pig-with-the-man-head got away? She could use a good laugh."

Michael Kuypers - Washington Twp., MI

"You need to go on a diet and I'd start by not stuffing your face like a pig."

Cary Antebi - Brooklyn, NY

"Don't take take it personally, we use the term guinea pig for all of our clinical trial patients."

Audiowriter - Indiana

"Your X-Rays look fine, but now the entire radiology department smells like bacon."

Audiowriter - Indiana

"It seems that your extended time in the sun turned your skin into one big cracklin."

Audiowriter - Indiana

"It seems you have a sprained ham-hock."

Audiowriter - Indiana

"Your tests came back fine, so put your pants on and go wee wee wee all the way home."

Audiowriter - Indiana

Sorry but your head wasn't as lucky on the pig.

linda - ca

I am sure I wrote heart and not head transplant.

linda - ca

You sure it's a proctologist you want to see?

linda - ca

Apparently, it's a sty!

S Hunt - Norton, VA

How many trips to the market did you make?

S Hunt - Norton, VA

"If you weren't so pig-headed you'd take my medical advice."

Michael Kuypers - Washington Twp., MI

"If symptoms persist, consult your vet."

Michael Kuypers - Washington Twp., MI

"I don't know your backstory but I'm sure it's a twisted tale."

Michael Kuypers - Washington Twp., MI

"Well I see you got rid of your horse head with the all pork diet I put you on."

David Winger` - Woodland Hills, CA

"Well. You're healthy enough to eat just about anything. However, you might want to avoid barbeques. Not the foods. The events."

Frank Monaco - Coconut Creek, Florida

I volunteered for some LSD research programs in the 60's... I think there coming back to haunt me....

Tom W - Lutherville Md

"It's you, not your wife. Looks like you two won't be makin' bacon."

Charlie S.

"If you want to remain healthy, stay away from ovens and keep any and all apples out of your mouth."

Charlie S.

"Health wise you're in the pink.

Charlie S.

"There's not much I can do for that botched nose job, but I think I can fix those hocks...I'll get my carving knife."

Charlie S.

"You need to gain a lot more weight for the holidays; let's go - chop, chop."

Charlie S.

Now open your mouth and say, "Oink! Oink!" Your squeal is worst than your bite.

marvin sager - rockville, md

When you first came to see me about plastic surgery I was reluctant to help you, but now all I can say is - Go RAZORBACKS!

Sredni in MO

Didn't I see you at the state fair?

Sredni in MO

Buhdabuhdabuhdab - that's all.

Sredni in MO

I'll agree to treat you if you promise not to Soooie me.

Sredni in MO

I thought you said you had a sty?

Sredni in MO

"Your x-rays came back - they look delicious."

lawrence walters - Westchester, Calif.

You are lightheaded because you didn't have a clue, that the airplane you were on came out of the blue, you were so scared, that nobody cared, about you spreading the epidemic of 'the swine flew'

Mr Limerick - Out There

It says your favorite play is HAMlet.

Alucard - Transylvania

I recommend that you just put some 'oinkment' on it.

Ron - Mpls

I see why you're smiling, your chart says that last year you escaped from being the centerpiece at the Waikiki luau.

Ron - Mpls

"Okay, Mr. Piggily, let's see Mr. Wiggily."

chazzer - Congrats Jenny - IL

The GOOD news is, you are not constipated in the usual manner. The BAD news is, you really need to stop rolling in mud!

Quark - Deep South

So... how long have you been on the police force...

Tom W - Lutherville Md

Worse case of 'Swine Flu' I've seen in years!

Mark V Fagan - Gallatin, TN

So your wife brings home the bacon

nesey

So your tail was mistaken for a curly fry ?

nesey

Be like your brother and stay home

nesey - tx

"I'm not going to honey-bake this."

Jim Cavanaugh - Portland Or

"You have Bobby Riggs' disease."

edberger - ny, ny

"Until this thing clears up, no porking your wife!"

James Reardon - North Hollywood, CA

'You need to cut back on the cured salted meats!"

James Reardon - North Hollywood, CA

"I lost my pen, has that ever happened to you?"

James Reardon - North Hollywood, CA

You really need to stop smoking...

Tom W - Lutherville Md

Now turn your head and squeal.... um..... I mean cough.

Quark - Deep South

I suggest that you stay away from greasy fried foods such as bacon and..... um..... er...... OOPS!...... Brain Fart, sorry.

Quark - Deep South

I read your complaint that says no one in this office pays attention to you. I'm sorry you feel that way about us, Misses Jones.

Quark - Deep South

Did I hear you correctly when you said that you converted to Judaism and want to be circumcised?

Quark - Deep South

I'm sorry... I was looking for Mr. Bacon..

Tom W - Lutherville

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